because i sure dont... I never really meant to put this away for so long. This was suposed to be the way I captured all of our lasts here in blacksburg before we leave our home for so long for new adventures, and to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure why I walked away. there was much i wanted to say here but it always seemed a little to personal for public eyes.
--i cried yesterday for the first time. i was driving to go to my kids elementary school after dropping cara off at preschool. cut through tech campus, had my ipod playing my favorite mix (skeleton key, for those who care--actually go listen to it... the cello is amazing!), saw the kids loading their cars to leave the burg for the summer. thinking of my dinner plans with good friends who i would be saying goodbye to that night for the last time (ive had 3 going away dinners now with the same group of friends, man i love them!) and the tears started rolling. I have neevr been more grateful for my oversized glasses as i was at that moment. to bad it didnt hide the red nose and blotchy cheeks.
--i took my oldest 3 kids hiking the other day to the cascades. just them, and it was glorious. van the man came down with a horrible strep (strep g) and was knocked out for over a week with high fevers. he was horrid. john gave me a break and let me take them out for some peace, hiking, and freezing waters at the bottom of the falls. as an added bonus, tons of tech cadets where there having the time of their lives and the boys loved watching them flip and wrestle each other into the water. very therauptic.
--we are trying to buy a house. the company we are working with is frustrating and isn't used to dealing with med school loans. i fear it will fall apart under us, but we are to late in the game to switch companies. On the same level of frustration, despite john being required to report for duty on june 10 at 7 am, we have no orders in hand which means there is no way to set up a move, close on the house, etc. i fear that this will put me and the kids moving out of the burg much later then we hoped. kids are suposed to start school in new city aug. 8, so the sooner we get there, the better for them.
--ive been sick. not like flu sick and not horrible sick but just blah for so long. after finally getting off my butt and going to see a dr., i was diagnosed with something called hashimotos. it meant a whole lifestyle change. no gluten, no casien, no soy, walnuts, peanuts. cooking almost all veggies and some fruits before consumption but i finally feel better. i have energy. i cook dinner again, i sleep at night. it has truly been an amazing experience to finally feel normal again. i cheated on the diet this past weekend. i wanted icecream. badly. i ate it and felt like crap. fingers swollen, sore joints. i felt old again. i remember now why i went on this diet in the first place and doubt i will break it next time i crave icecream. (i bought coconut milk icecream last night for my next weak moment... we'll see if it holds up to the denali extreme maximum fudge moose tracks soy, gluten and casein laden icecream that is my downfall.) ...maybe pizza would be worth the cheat??
--it was mothers day this past weekend. i have the coolest family. john got me an iphone. jo made me a book all about me (and this kid is hilarious...), tay rolled his eyes and gave me a hug, cara made me a treasure box full of hershey kisses then ate them all since I cant. m gave me a gorgoues plant. van gave me a big kiss. i love my kids. I neevr planned on having so many, so young, or maybe not at all, but i am so grateful for the path my life took despite my immediate intentions
--john graduates in less then a month. i cannot wait. i am ready for it to be my turn. i feel like i have put so much on hold these past 8 years and am ready to catch up. i applied to college. i am hoping most of my credits will transfer and i can make this 4 yr degree take 3 or less. i want to feel challenged again. have discussions that make me think. read things that are required and not rhyming books... i am ready
--its almost my birthday. i feel old.
--cara is old. that makes me feel even older.
--i got carded the other night at a local bar after the final orchestra concert with my amazing friends. i was pissed as it meant walking back to my car in the pouring rain. i was also very much flattered.
--ive been working out at the gym my kids have been going to. i see myself getting stronger, losing weight and feeling better about myself. i need to kick my caffeine habit....
--as we reach the final push, john is doubling rotations and is working 12 hr ER shifts in addition to his regular 8-5 job. did i mention i cannot wait til june 4th graduation?
