Thursday, May 28, 2009

life gets away sometimes. so much has passed since I posted last..... I always have great intentions of updating my blog to reflect things going on and to be able to keep a record for when i finally pull out my scrapbook albums and catch them up but little moments continue to pass me by before I can remember to write them down and they they are gone.... Jo got baptized in April. it was beautiful and wonderful and completely terrifying. The accountability that falls on me scares me sometimes. Am I teaching my kids enough, or will I be held accountable? will the choices he make be good ones.... He continues to struggle as i continue searching for a diagnosis. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on what is wrong with him. I think one day when he is diagnosed with something everything will click into place for me. it sinks in at different times, but today it was as we were sitting doing homework, he couldn't tell me what 2+3 was. hes finishing 2nd grade. little moments like that hit home for me. I don't want him growing up struggling every step of the way. i look at him sometimes and wonder if he feels like he's drowning. M heard J telling me a homework problem and could answer it faster then jo. I don't want him constantly feeling overshadowed. i speak from experience that it is hard being stuck in the middle of 2 very intelligent siblings. i often resented my older and younger sister for how easy school came for them. i do not want to foster that same resentment in jo, but i don't know how to end it...

i have been feeling really lethargic recently. i am looking forward to the end of the school year and the change that it will bring for our family. we all need down time. i have a really hard time this time of year. our ward is every transient (as is our town) and every may brings more changes then i can handle.... good friends leave and the process of making friends only to have them move begins again. this year is hitting me esp. hard as some of my longest and best friends are leaving. i am anxious to have john graduate (as you can see from my ticker) but am nervous abt. residency too. I feel stuck in the middle of 2 hard places....

t, jo, and m get to test for their orange belt in a week! that means they get to start sparring! i am totally looking forward to seeing them get to fight, i think it will be good for some of them to get hit, and some of them to be allowed to hit... our instructor matches them well! I took a kickboxing/cardio class last night at their studio and loved it... it has been such a great place for our family to be.
van finished his preschool for the year. he is such a firecracker.... he has no inside voice and no mouth filter.... he keeps me laughing non-stop.... (when i'm not asking him to be quiet, at least)
cl amazes me everyday with how little sleep she can function on. she is still not sleeping through the night (she wakes up 2-5 times a night) and is still not napping more then 2 hours total during the day. i need suggestions!! crying it out doesn't seem to be working, she simply doesn't sleep....

our boys had their pinewood derby event a few weeks ago, and unfortunately, their cousins Adam and evans winning tradition did not rub off on them! Mike, give us help next year!!! they had a great time though, and i think we learned a lot about how to help them improve their cars for next year.
sorry for the total rambling post... i feel so overwhelmed right now with drama in so many different places (work, pto, kids) that i feel like my thoughts are so scattered right now... i need a vacation!!!!


  1. Hey, our number is still the know you can call anytime if you need someone to talk to. With Jonas, I think he is an awesome kid and it must be really hard to see him struggle- maybe you will never get a "diagnosis" so I would say just keep loving him. Kids can tell when their parents think there is "something wrong" with them, and sometimes that hurts the most...does that make sense? So, my advice...keep being awesome parents, help him where you can, but remember: kids that arent book smart can still be very successful if they have high self-esteem and know who they are.

  2. I hope everything settles down for you pretty soon and the stress leaves! The end of the school year is always chaotic. How is your nephew doing?

  3. Just hang in there summer vaycay will bring atleast one type of rest and then you'll be ready to tackle it again next year. Don't forget to call so we can hang and gab. Lots of LOVE!

  4. Amy, I must tell you that you. are. a. wonderful. mother. I have always thought that and am continually amazed by you. I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I understand being frightened by the accountability that falls on us as parents. I feel faint if I think too much about it.

    I started to cry when I read if you wondered if sweet Jonas feels like he is drowning. It is so hard to know how to help our children. I fret about it all of the time.

    I love how each and every one of your children knows how much you and John adore them. They really do know.

    Our ward is really transient, too (military, medical and dental school brings people here) and I keep telling myself, "I am not making any more friends...just to have them leave." I am sorry that you are losing your closest friends. I think that is why I love blogging so makes me feel like my friends can remain constant.

    Go YOU with your kickboxing/cardio class!! Is John skeered? ;)

    I love how you called Sullivan a firecracker. He is so funny...I love your kids so much.

    Now...don't you worry your beautiful self about took us until Evan was a Webelo to figure out those blasted Pinewood Derby cars. I like to rely heavily on the genius of others...and steal all of their ideas like a hardened criminal. We are at your service and will share what little we know.